You get what you deserve

So after a week of hell in which I have been invaded by all manner of pests which crawl, scuttle and fly, you would imagine that I was feeling a little world weary. Whilst my friends and boyfriend were off cavorting on the Bospherous this week, I have been on my hands and knees scooping rat shit out from under the cupboards in the 32 degree heat, cursing every deity known to man, and a few unknown ones too.
My apartment looks like a Chinese laundromat. I have had to halt washing insecticide sprayed clothing as I have run out of places to hang things. And trust me I can be very inventive with a bit of string and a few pegs.

So happy was I when chappy offered to come round and plug up my pipes with expanding foam along with our Guatemalan friend Paul who is quite good at man type household activities. However the men had a discussion and it was decided that boyfriend alone should come and rescue this not so fair maiden from her plight. This was more than slightly alarming. Never trust a man with any kind of gun who has never been trained to use it... even if it only fires foam. I had to show him what an alternator was last week on his car. He is not exactly what you'd call 'handy around the house'.

Anyway, the evening turned into a comedy of errors, mainly on account of me being premenstrual, which every woman will confirm is Mother Natures cruelest curse. It not only makes you extraordinarily clumsy, it suddenly robs you of the sane rationality one needs in order not to run howling from the room when you bang your head, scrape your back, knock things over and generally damage everything around you,

So when all of the above happened, it was 11pm at night, I hadn't eaten, I'd spent 10 hours at work and 4 cleaning up rodent crap, and then we discovered that the man with the untrained foam gun had irreversibly over filled my pipes with expanding foam causing my entire kitchen to flood, you can image that I was not a happy bunny. But I managed to keep it together... just.

This week has been a little overwhelming. Not only have I endured a cockroach infestation, a rat infestation, a wasps nest, spent every night cooped up alone cleaning and worrying about being eaten alive at night (so not much sleep) I had also learned that I must seek new employment. And then my kitchen flooded. It was already on the edge of being more than I could take in my premenstrual state. And my eyes did get a little watery, and I did slightly struggle to stop my bottom lip from trembling.

My boyfriend is an extraordinarily brave man for one so short. Because this is when he decided it would be a good time to take the piss out of me being so upset.

You can tell that I like him because I only actually threatened to kill him the once. And I didn't hit him or anything. But I won't lie. The thought did cross my mind. I think my exact words were 'listen honey, either I cry or you die but either way this frustration is coming out somehow.'

He took it quite well I think, And even bought me dinner afterwards.

Next week I meet 'the mother'. Turkish mothers are fiercely protective of their boys, a little like Italians I suppose. Now it is my turn to fear for my life. But I cunningly asked Jenn to bring over some posh marks and spencers biscuits with her the other week which I hope will sooth the heart of any woman. Even if I did threaten to castrate her only son.